School holidays are here and time to (miserably) assess how this year is going.

Debt wise, we are on track – but to a new goal of getting out of debt by the end of the year, not the end of this financial year. We have a few big expenses this year, it would have killed us to keep paying off the Credit Cards at the rate we were going. We will have paid off an interest free deal with DJ’s too (bed and vacuum) by then as well, but not the car…it will just have to keep chugging along. I want some savings, damnit! Not just paying off fucking bills!

I had a car accident last weekend and have to pay the $600 excess to get our and the other loser’s car fixed. Not thrilled about that – the money will be hard to find, but I am tutoring a student and doing market research sessions to help a bit.

Work:  A permanent job should be coming up at my school next term so hopefully in a matter of weeks I will be permanent! That will make me feel a lot better…That job in my dream town I applied for? Culling happens first week back so fingers crossed, however I seriously have no chance of getting it. Five temporary teachers at the school are applying for it and 9 1/2 times out of 10 it will go to a teacher already at the school.

Term 1 saw me not bring any work home with me. The plan was to get all marking and planning done at school – that went ok for half the term but then the exhaustion set in and I was doing nothing I didn’t absolutely have to. I am now behind in marking and planning and am trying to get the energy to tackle it – but energy levels are low. I feel too stressed about the work I have to do to really relax these holidays and am worried that I will go back to school tired and burnt out. 😦

Weight: I can’t even talk about it…

I have spent most of this year not coping very well. In day to day life I feel fine, no-one would suspect I feel low, but when I sit here and start writing I think that nothing is going the way I want it to. There are things I should be able to control and I can’t. I should be able to keep my house clean, lose this fucking weight and keep on top of my job. But I can’t. And I haven’t been able to all my life. Seriously – even when I was at school I couldn’t keep up. I procrastinate and faff about instead of just getting in and getting the job done. When I left Uni and started working, I would spend the whole weekend trying to get my room clean and organised – it never happened. How on earth do I change?

Ok, so what doesn’t work – trying to complete a huge task all at once. Like cleaning my house. I can’t do the lot in one day.

Today I am going to:

  • Finish cleaning up our bedroom and get all my clothes away (and some taken to vinnies)
  • Mark one lot of marking – something easy
  • Walk over 10,000 steps
  • Go to medicare to claim back some of the doctor’s visits I’ve had

That’s as much as I can do. I am sick of having a huge list and having it sit here and not get done because I am completely overwhelmed.

I have to try looking at the positives too. Last week I faced a huge fear of mine and went and had a blood test. Yes, I was hysterical but I did it…and I thought I wasn’t going to be able to. Surely I can get over anything if I can do that? I really want to have the sort of life I dream of but at the moment the path is blocked by clutter and lard.