Great reading over at Ash and Chrissey’s blog, and go welcome Anonymous Obese Woman who could really do with some support!

Hard lesson for today but one that I have to deal with…

I am now at Week 4: Respond to Sabotaging Thoughts. And there have been plenty of those over the past weeks! 🙂

Beck asks at the beginning of the chapter “How are your weight-loss efforts going so far?” and the answer is GOOD. If I go off the initial weight that afternoon at S’s office, I have lost 6.3 kgs. I think it’s more about 5kg to be honest but I am still thrilled with this. In fact, I officially congratulate myself on this loss! It was not easy, it took dedication and energy that I had to work very hard to find. I had to put myself first. I had to say no to eating the way my internal petulant 2 year old wanted to. 

To get myself as focussed as I was for the first chunk of weight gone, I am going to

  1. Print out the reasons I want to lose weight and leave one in my bedside table drawer. I am also going to write them as a note on my mobile in case I leave home without reading them.
  2. I am going to track my food every day
  3. I am going to start wearing my pedometer every day and make it to 10,000 steps now my knee is feeling so much better.
  4. I am going to focus on eating slowly and mindfully – been a bit of shovelling and not listening to my body going on around these parts! 🙂
  5. And most importantly…I am going to keep doing the exercises in the BDS and move on with it instead of doing a classic Beetricks thing – stopping processes and progress because I feel as if I haven’t completed something perfectly. My whole life has been like this – instead of just finishing something to the best of my ability on that day and moving on to the next part I stop and think “this isn’t perfect” and beat myself up and think “I must re-so that!” Instead what happens is I get disengaged and my interest wanes seriously. So now, in the interest of not beating myself up, I am moving on!

Day 22 – Say, Oh, Well, to Disappointment

Beck talks about answering the voices which bitch and whinge about not being able to eat certain foods. I know I have a streak of the rebel in me and when I am faced with food I want to eat I usually flip the bird or feel sorry for whatever I have just had to put up with and eat it. I rarely feel bad about it afterwards. I am defiant or think “I deserved that”. You know what I do deserve? To be at my goal weight. I may feel like I am nurturing myself somehow in the long term all I am doing is hurting myself.

I went to a 2 day teacher’s conference last week and didn’t really want to be there. I learnt some new stuff and it was largely beneficial but I had to give up a lot of my time to attend and “rewarded” myself by eating a tonne of stuff at morning tea and lunch. The food provided was outstanding but if I had read this chapter I could have looked at the cakes and said “Oh, well.” It’s a strategy I think I will be able to employ because being tough on myself doesn’t help, but having a bit of sympathy for myself sometimes does.

Beck writes something which made me laugh – in the section “what are you thinking?” at the end of that day she writes

Sabotaging thought: I don’t want to accept the things I have to do. Dieting should be easier.

Helpful response: I have a choice: I can struggle with what I have to do and feel bad, or I can accept that this is the way  it is. It doesn’t mean that I like it. There are many things I don’t like in my life. I don’t particularly like paying bills. I definitely don’t like getting up as early as I do for work. I don’t like straightening the house. But I accept them. I don’t struggle with these tasks, so they don’t cause me much discomfort.

Um…is there anyone else out there that doesn’t do any of these things regularly and has an internal argument with themselves over every little thing they have to do that they don’t want to???

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