Yes, Holy CRAP readers! I agree!

I went to see the dietician (S) last night and you know I haven’t been since April odd? Churning away since then has been all the realisations I have come to now. And for the first time since 2006 I feel I can start this journey and lose this weight. I walked in and told S this. She gave a cheer and said “I was waiting for you to get to this point! It really is the best chance you have of  have of getting to where you want to go. How much are you losing by when? Let’s lock this fucker in!” (I do think S and I were separated at birth)

So I told her about the trying-to-get-pregnant-soon and straight away she was all “When? You can’t be this overweight when you get pregnant. No way! You have to lose 20 kilos before I let you get pregnant! You will be HUGE if you get pregnant now – no. No way. It won’t be pretty!” I told her I was that old I couldn’t afford to weight for long and she said…

“No problem. Let’s get 10 kilos off you by Christmas. Then aim for another 10 by your birthday. Then you can get pregnant”

I didn’t even pause to think about it. I just thought “Bring it ooorrrnnnnnnnn!” I am going to do it – well, as much as my body will allow. I am sticking to 1800 – 1900 calories a day. I am listening to the meditation track from the Gabriel Method every night. I am getting a picture of me at my wedding printed to remind myself what I want to look like. 

S said that once I was pregnant she would not see me as a client if I was “planning on being pathetic and putting on heaps of weight”. I am determined to not do that – never fucking again. The plan is to lose 20kg before getting pregnant and losing the rest of it after the baby is born. It’s really come down to the wire you know…I can’t put off getting pregnant too long. 

I have felt as if I had to go through a grieving process for the dream I had let go of just after my wedding. Readers of previous blogs will remember how obsessed I was with getting to my goal weight for my wedding and it was so hard to let go of the disappointment I felt in myself  for piling the weight back on. Well, I have let go of that now. I don’t know how it happened, but all the heartache I felt has gone and been replaced by determination. S said something a bit mind blowing that helped me let go – she said “There are so many good things in your life – you have a job you like, live in a house you like, have a wonderful husband and a dog – you are blessed. The weight you carry takes too much of your energy but it isn’t everything. You have so much more in your life than being overweight.” She is right. It’s time to count my blessings and let go of the weight.

So! School holidays coming up! Gym, good food, relaxation. I’m even going to weigh myself!

Game on, as soulmumma would say – game on.