Last night I started this post…and I wrote

I am starting to track what I eat for a while – I am not getting enough protein and I am overeating. I think (no scales here!) that I am heavier than I have ever been…

I’m over it, peeps. For the first time in a long time – I would say since I got married in 2007- I am sick of being fat. And it appears so many of you in blogland are over it too. My friend Soulmumma has written the most perfect post which sums up everything I feel about this position I’m in now. You should go and read the whole thing.

SM’s journey and mine has been so similar (and I can almost hear the nodding out there in blogland from everyone else who is in the same position!) I am also at the point where I think “Is there any way I can lose weight without counting calories?” and the answer is no. No, there isn’t. Yes, I am a fan of the Gabriel Method in terms of the mental work you need to do, and my goal is to eventually get to a point where I am eating a lot of natural foods and listening to my body and not tracking, but at the moment with 30+ kilos to lose, it is counting calories.

I have learnt a lot from my Calorie King addiction over the years, my multiple WW attempts and my gym obsession. And what I have learnt is hard to swallow and fuck me I wish it wasn’t the truth but it is – counting calories and restricting what you eat works. You know how I lost 20kgs before my wedding? I counted calories and went to the gym and burnt 2000 calories a week. And you know why I put on all the weight plus more after I got married? Because I stopped caring what I ate. I binged. I ate chips and chocolate and any calorific piece of shit I could get my hands on.

I will keep making my Low GI recipes and start counting calories. I will lose this fucking 30kg. And the hardest thing of all – I will accept that weight loss and maintenance is a life long process.

That last one might take a while to sink in…