Had the worst day at school yesterday – after marking like a crazy woman and feeling brain dead I had no idea how I was going to get through the day. To make matters worse I had the Senior students all wanting my help – “Miss, can you look at this essay for me?” Panic stations everywhere – 40 students all looking like they were about to pass out with stress and worry. No break at all – recess and lunch spent with students. I put my foot down at lunch and said NO – I need a break – and one boy started crying! I am not joking! My head teacher then gave me a filthy look and I had to go and deal with his stress. So when the bell came for the end of the day I nearly collapsed. I went to turn my computer off and there it was…

The email to tell me that the job in town-I-really-want-to-live-in had been withdrawn.

Tear, tears, tears. For hours. It felt like every bit of hope had been ripped away from me and I was going to be stuck in that school forever. *edit* There are never jobs advertised for this town – it’s too popular. This is the first one I’ve seen since June 2007! The pressure and stress didn’t have an end in sight anymore…

More later…

5pm: So I found out that the job was withdrawn because another DET teacher put in a complaint -s/he must have had a transfer in for that area. I have spoken to a Head Teacher I know who works up there and she said there is plenty of casual day-to-day work and she would be happy to give me some work. Not many blocks of work in Term 4 so would be better off staying put until Term 1 next year. So the plan is to put my dream first. Leave the security of year-long blocks at my current school and the very real possibility of a permanent job and move to TIWTLI and do casual and see what happens. I just can’t imagine spending more than another 6 months feeling this shit and overwhelmed.

Still depressed but determined to leave this city and live where I want…sigh.

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