I don’t know. It was absolutely mental with a capital M. Reports, marking, stress, shit-head work colleagues who come to work just so they can put on a performance in reaction to their own sad, pitiful lives. You know, normally I can laugh it off and say “Who cares?” but the combination of Pa’s death and the sheer volume of work I had to plough through (I have been working 16 hour days, 7 days a week on average for the past 3 weeks) has seen me struggling to keep my emotions under check. There have been meltdowns from me – the staff member I yelled at (she walked out on me as I was trying to explain something she had asked me to explain! WTF?) probably still has ringing in her ears…and I’m smiling as I type this.

You know, that’s one thing I really admire in myself – my sheer lung capacity. I’m not a screamer, I’m a loud talker. No matter the noise level I can rise above it for that few seconds to stun the kids into silence. I don’t often pull out the big guns but when I do kids jump. Every one of my prac reports when I was a student commented how my voice could command a classroom and when I lost my biscuit with Year 9 the other week and did an extended YELL I looked down to see the two kids in the front row with their hands over their ears and a pained expression on their face. I had an internal smile and gave them a chupa chup at the end of the lesson.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, how shit my life is. Thanks.

Of course when my work life gets out of control so does every other aspect of it. The house is a tip – piles of my crap everywhere. Dust inches thick. Enough of my hair floating about the place to make a toupee for my bald father. No food in the house. Pathetic. Of course, my commitment to the Gabriel Method floated right out the window as well and I found myself eating anything, drinking no water and not listening to my body at all. I stopped listening to the CD as that meant losing out on 45min sleep – I can’t fall asleep with it on, or if I do I wake up once it stops, then I need to go to the loo and start the whole falling asleep process again.

The good news is I have been off sick from work Tuesday and today and have got heaps done despite the fact I feel like crap. I am back on the vitamins, digestive enzymes and flaxseed oil. I have just had a huge banana smoothie with an insane amount of freshly-ground LSA, flaxseed oil and protein powder in it and feel great. No matter how busy I am, this is what I need to do to feel human.

So that’s it from me – back to writing reports and hacking up a lung…

🙂

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