It’s so hard to not panic and wonder what the fuck I am doing. No, I don’t want to go – can’t go back to – back to counting calories, but is there any other way of losing weight? I want to have a normal relationship with food but I don’t want to be a size 20 anymore. What if I put all this energy into the Gabriel Method and it doesn’t work in the way that I want – which is to be a size 14 or so. Hell, even a 16! Just not obese.

I am still seeing my dietician and have written out a list (not with calories) of what I have eaten lately on a daily basis. Let’s wait and see what she says.

Shit. Feeling over it. Want to dive into a vat of chocolate and drink my way to safety.

6.45pm: Must snap out of it. Have had hot shower and about to make something nice for dinner.

10.45pm: Had something nice for dinner but not too full on – only a piece of sprouted wheat bread with avocado and cheese. Didn’t feel that hungry. The bloke said to me when he got home that I seemed happier since I’d started the GM and also my stomach (where I carry most of my weight) looked smaller and my face thinner. He isn’t the type to lie. I think my problem today was no vitamins or Omega 3, not enough water and being cold and tired when I got home.

Even if this doesn’t “work” at least I will be healthier. I can re-evaluate things then. I will stick with this. I will believe – even if it’s fucking terrifying – that this will happen. I just wish I wasn’t so scared sometimes. Dumb, huh?

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