Ever seen that clutter guy on Oprah, Peter Walsh? He’s always banging on about the connection between being overweight and having clutter. And yes, I have both – lard and unpacked boxes from the many times I have moved house. And I have one other thing – debt. I have been living beyond my means for most of my life, and it’s time to stop.

These three things combined are very hard to get on top of, as I’m sure many of you can testify!

Debt: Ever since the bloke and I met and combined finances, we have been in debt. We eat out at least once a week, buy things because we want them (rarely need them) and live beyond our means. Although we live in the most expensive city in Australia, we earn good money and should be able to budget better. I have gotten lazy in the last few months, and saving for the big bills that roll around this time of year has gone out the window…and I’ve lost the budget sheet I downloaded from the excellent Australian Government site Understanding Money . Time to sit the bloke down again and record all the yearly expenses he has for his business and try and remember all the commitments we have. It’s not easy being married to someone who has his own business as the only guaranteed payday we have is mine, and I earn under half of what the bloke does per fortnight! My pay goes towards the rent and a loan. I need to have a slush fund so I’m not hanging out for his invoices to be paid.

We got $1500 KRudd money between us and I was all excited thinking what I could spend it on…I wanted a second dog and a new vacuum. I have wanted a second dog for a while and have been making a short list from the Monika’s Doggie Rescue site. However, after sitting down and discussing it with the bloke yesterday I have to admit that I can’t do it. Too many reasons against it – when we buy a house and have more disposable income it will happen. I was very depressed about this, but today am working on sucking it up! I also wanted a new vacuum (and have done so for the entire 5 years the bloke and I have been together!) The one we have is too small for the house we are in and I’m sick of constantly stopping to empty it. But you know what? I am in debt. There has to be a line where the spending stops, and the paying off of debt is more important. And I have reached that point. The KRudd money has gone towards the quarterly tax bill which I haven’t put enough money away for. The dog will have to wait. The old shitty vacuum will have to do.

I was feeling all self righteous about it, then I went into the city to return a falty Sportscraft dress and some broken sandles I only purchased in January. My buy buy buy! radar was beeping so loud and my gaze so frantic that several people sheilded their children’s eyes from me. The Sportscraft chick tried to make me buy something that day in the store, but I resisted and decided to buy something once I had lost some weight and needed something (like jeans for example). I went into Myer with the shoes and instead of taking the $45 refund (shoes reduced from $125) I opted to get them repaired so I wouldn’t shell out extra money for new shoes. I wandered around the shoe section thinking “I really need some winter shoes…” but then did a mental check and realised I had enough to get me through.

I then tried on 6 pairs of jeans and was thinking about buying a pair as the only ones that fit me at the moment are getting threadbare. But then – I remembered the debt. I put all six pairs back and reminded myself that I have two pairs that will fit me in minus 7kg time – I would just have to suck it upand wait till then! It’s so hard for me to not spend money. I love shopping and I want everything now…but I can’t have it. My attitude is so Gen Y! LOL! Pity I’m too old for it!

So now I am going to make a pile of clothes to sell on eBay (a size 12 black Morrisey dress that I found – never worn – up the back of the cupboard will be listed for sure!) this week. Some shoes too! The new budget will be made tonight when I can pin the bloke down. And I will start living within my means.

Diet: I can’t go on a diet again. I don’t even think I can count calories. I have been tracking for a while on Calorie King to make sure that I was eating enough protein (us vegetarians aren’t too good at that) but know the time has come to stop – it makes me go a bit silly. Like today, I had a cucumber, watermelon, pineapple and lemon juice and was wondering how I was going to record that in CK. I knew my CK diary wouldn’t be “perfect” and I began to give up on myself a little. I have been seeing a fantastic nutritionist and she is not keen for me to count calories. “Once you begin listening to your body and eating the right foods the weight will come off” she said.

But the problem that I have is this – I want very badly to lose this weight by the end of the year.  I want to start looking how I want to look and being that fit person now. Part of me wants to be so strict and rigid that I track everything I eat and just get the weight off but after trying this on and off for (*thinks*) 19 years (*cries*) I know it’s not going to work. Otherwise, I would have lost it all and kept it off on the very first diet I went on…the Hip and Thigh Diet! Back in 1990 when I was in Year 10 and weighed 72 kg (8 kg less than my current goal weight). Diets are not going to work for me.